Once in a far away island there lived a train
called Thomas the tank engine and one day Thomas had 100 people on his train.
Then he had to stop because his engine broke down and all the people said what
happened here? Then Thomas said to everyone “my engine broke down and now we are
stuck in the middle of town.” Then a boy hopped off the train and spoke to
Thomas. He said “I can fix your train.” The boy fixed it straight away and
Thomas said thank you. When Thomas looked at himself he said wow “how did you
do that in just four minutes.”
To Gemma,
ReplyDeleteI like how you have used speech marks in your writing to show people talking. Just remember to use them every time someone is talking. Where do you think you need to add speech marks in?
Check how many times you have started a sentence with 'then.' Can you think of another word to start your sentences in a different way?
From Mrs Head
To Gemma,
ReplyDeleteI like the story. Next time when you write a story, please try not to use "and" all the times.
From Mum